Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
