ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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