I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my shit smells like andre
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
