you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
