He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
