Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Im part way to drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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