I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
