Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
