I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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