this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
