Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
