listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
