he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
