uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
