Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
