why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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