can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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