My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
