I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
