I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
