She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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