I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
