i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
