i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
