between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
