Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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