TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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