There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
