Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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