Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
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So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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