Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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