Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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