my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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