It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
