Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
