He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
