So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
