So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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