Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
