If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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