I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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