and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
