maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
