She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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