Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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