Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
