At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
