Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
