I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
