i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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