I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wat bout pragnant strippers??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.