did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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