mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?