I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so let's talk penis.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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