google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
