somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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