This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
