mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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