so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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