so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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