Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
