I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
