she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize